To the person glaring at me (an open letter)
Current Mood:
Angry
To the person glaring at me:
Yes, I notice you over there, glaring at me disapprovingly as I am parenting my child. While I appreciate your concern for my child’s well-being, let me assure you that he is very well cared for. Yes, my parenting techniques may seem rude or overly strict, but that is because I am trying to teach my son how to behave in public, unlike too many parents these days that feel their children should be allowed to roam and explore freely in public, or are too lazy, or too busy, to pay attention.
You see, my son is overly hyperactive. His hyperactivity is at the very top of every chart that has been made for his behavior. He is in a special class and rides a special bus with restraints because of his inability to control his impulses. If I did not keep a very tight control of his behavior, he would be running amok, talking to (and probably hugging) every stranger that pays any attention to him. He would mess with your belongings if they were anywhere besides in your hands. He would be talking very loudly, saying nonsensical things, making obnoxious sounds, and probably getting any other child within a ten foot radius also excited (and likely to get in trouble with their parents). If we are in a store he will nose in your cart, go wandering off, hide in clothing racks, find something he wants and beg and plead for it. He’s been doing these things since he has been able to walk unassisted.
Perhaps you have seen me grab his arm roughly to restrain or to get him to move. This isn’t to be mean to him. On the contrary, I truly detest having to occasionally be rough with my son. However, he will slip into his own little world and lose focus on the task at hand, and the sudden, firm movements bring him back to reality. Sometimes he doesn’t want to cooperate and go where we need to, so I may have to practically drag him.
Most likely you will see me chiding him while he appears to be fidgeting as any normal child would. And yes, I do allow him to fidget. But bear in mind, I have been with him the entire day and I know what state his mind is in. Depending on how his track record has been the rest of the day, it’s most likely that his impatient behavior is the outward sign of his being able to barely contain himself. Thus, I am trying to help him keep control of his impulsiveness.
I have known this child for seven years. I know his cues, I can read his mood. I know how likely he is to, depending on his mood, go running off. What you see is seven years of a child learning to keep control of himself in a way that is inherent in most people. When he was younger we could not take him in public at all.
So while it may be easy for you to sit there and judge me for what you believe is poor parenting, because I have seen that look before, I’d like to let you know that being a parent to this child is more than a full time job, and I know what I’m doing. Whatever mental picture you have in your head about “what that child’s home life must be like” is entirely false. Perhaps you should consider that maybe your pre-conceived notions of how a child should be a little lamb, gracefully following along holding his mother’s hand is merely a daydream that every parent wishes for. What you see is the reality of severe hyperactivity and my attempt at keeping him from annoying you… In which case you’d probably be giving me an even angrier glare.
Signed,
Tired parent
Confused
